The Power of a Serious Proposal

Have you heard or perhaps said any of these statements recently?

• “I have a general idea of what I want, but I’m not exactly sure.”
• “I’m not sure if my boss/partner/organization/customer would go for that idea.”
• “I am really frustrated by the lack of clarity in my role/job/relationship/organization.”
• “I have a really cool idea/dream/possibility – but I am not sure if it is feasible.”

All of these statements are a form of a perceived lack of clarity.   Some people are comfortable in ambiguity for some period of time, but only up to a point.  Then, most of us want to get to clarity.  We may start with a vision of what we want, but that vision is often a bit fuzzy and out in the future.  We want to bring it into the present and make it crystal clear.  We want to know where we stand, one way or the other.

The fastest way to get to clarity is to make (or receive) a serious proposal. A serious proposal outlines the specific commitments, terms, and conditions of an agreement between two or more parties.  By outlining these specifics, the serious proposal surfaces the underlying truth of a situation.   It is serious, in the sense that the person making the proposal is not simply floating an idea, but making an offer that they are prepared to deliver on if the other side agrees.  Thus the person making the serious proposal must have considered, in advance, what they are willing to do and on what terms.

To see what I mean, let me show you a few examples.  Following the examples, I want to point out some critical concepts about how to use serious proposals in the most powerful and effective way.

1. Redecorating the family room:

After eight years in our house, my wife and I decided to redecorate our family room – repainting, new furniture, etc.   And of course, this project obviously required a new flat screen high-definition television.    I had a general idea of what I wanted but I wasn’t sure what type of TV would work best in the room and more specifically, how all of the wiring would work.  So I had the Best Buy Geek Squad come out for an in-home consultation.

The Geek Squad consultant was very helpful.    As she was advising me on the wiring requirements, she also asked what I would like for the TV and audio system.  Based on our conversation, she recommended certain products and equipment and promised me a full written proposal to follow.

When I received the proposal for the project, the price tag was quite a bit higher than I expected.  I looked at it and thought “Okay, that was way more than I had in mind!”  During the consultation, she had suggested several options such as a 3-D system.  My response in that moment had been “Sure, sounds great!”  But once I actually had the proposal in hand – with the major commitment required (in this case, a commitment of money) – I began to seriously think about what I really wanted and what trade-offs I was willing to make.

The serious proposal brought my vague desire for a high-definition TV to a point of genuine clarity about what I wanted – and surfaced the truth.  As a result, I got quite serious about determining exactly which components I wanted and which I could live without, and then I scaled the whole package back to the initial budget I had in mind.  I went ahead to purchase a great home theater system from Best Buy.  Notably, the consultant I dealt with didn’t seem to care one way or the other – she simply wanted to help me make a good decision and to complete the process.

2. Building business relationships:

The serious proposal is very powerful in business relationships as well.  As Steve Chandler would say, the serious proposal is the “truth detector.”   It flushes out the truth of what various parties want and are willing to do.  Here’s an example:

Recently, I was exploring a joint venture with another company.  We had been in conversations for several months about various opportunities and possibilities for business development.  It was very exciting, yet after a while I started wondering “Is this really going to work or not?”

It was time to present a serious proposal.  I outlined what I thought it would take to be successful, how the joint venture would work going forward, and what I wanted from the arrangement.  I proposed a structure for the joint venture and asked for a commitment of time, energy, and resources from both sides.

The other party declined my proposal.  Success!  The serious proposal revealed the truth, which was simply that the other party was not willing to proceed under the terms I proposed.  We then went on to craft a different arrangement to work together in a different but clearly defined way.  (Failure would have been to continue to exist in a vague, undefined state – to continue the lack of clarity.)

So here are a few key points of how to use a “serious proposal” in the most powerful and effective way:

1.        A definitive answer, in the form of a yes or a no, is progress. A “maybe” prolongs the lack of clarity.  Notice that in both the Best Buy and joint venture examples, a definitive answer, one way or the other, moved the conversation forward.   So it doesn’t really matter whether it is a yes or no – it is the vague “maybe” that is so dangerous.  It prolongs the investment of time and energy on both sides.   The Best Buy consultant was fine to receive a NO from me on the first proposal, because it quickly led to a proposal that was accepted.  In my joint venture, the NO on the first proposal freed me up to pursue other opportunities and allowed a much different but clear arrangement to emerge.  Without my serious proposal, our discussions might have continued indefinitely, without any clarity or commitment.

2.       A detached mindset is essential. While you create a serious proposal about what you want and are willing to do, you need to be detached from a specific outcome.  If the other party says no, you simply treat that response for what it is – information.   It has no meaning until you give it a story.   If you get a NO, you simply shift to a different agreement or you move on to something else.

3.       Be aware of the story that you are creating to interpret events or speculate about possible responses and their meanings. These are frequently fear-based and are not constructive – they can paralyze you into inaction and thus perpetuate the very lack of clarity that you are complaining about.   For example, one phenomenon that I notice is that even though a person will claim that they want clarity, they are very reluctant to make a serious proposal because they have created a story about how the other side will respond and what it will mean.

4.       The serious proposal must be respectfully and effectively delivered. The best way to do this is to give the other side the power to say no, right up front.  You can say “It is ok to say no to this proposal, but I have some specific ideas to discuss with you.  Here’s how it might work.  Is this something that you would choose to do?”   This allows the other party to listen to your serious proposal and consider it without feeling pressured in any way.

5.       Be very mindful of where your own happiness and well-being comes from. If you are looking to others for approval and your happiness depends on it, you will be very fearful in even approaching them with a proposal.  You will avoid it.  Why?  Because you are already prepared in your mind to interpret their response as an approval or disapproval of you.   When you finally can’t stand it any longer and you muster up the courage to overcome your fear, you still will not deliver your proposal as powerfully and effectively as possible, since the root cause has not been addressed – inside of you.  Once you shift to internally-generated happiness, you move from fear into fearlessness – a peaceful, graceful way of being where you are okay no matter what happens.  It is the most powerful and creative place to operate from.  Give it a try.